Self-Forgiveness in Healing

Hi everyone!

Today I'd like to address something that I believe anyone who suffers from a chronic illness deals with.... guilt. If you are anything like me, your diagnosis brings along not only physical pain, but emotional stress as well (which in turn breeds more pain - how fun!).  Having something "indefinitely" wrong with you is a huge issue to face.  Not knowing how you are going to feel from moment to moment and how it will impact others leads to a lot of pressure. I have spent hours, days, even months feeling bad about being sick.  I find myself constantly apologizing for what I can and cannot do, for not being able to live the same lifestyle that I used to. And this is bad, very very bad, friends. This type of attitude can't be good, because it just adds to the pity party (and nobody likes a pity party).

Many things have changed since my IC diagnosis.  Before being diagnosed, I was extremely social, and being in my twenties, partying and alcohol were hugely involved in my night life. I could also take a long trip without having to stop a thousand times along the way, or worry if I packed all of my pain medications.  I could order at a restaurant without being 'that girl' (I literally always want to tell waiters my life story so they don't think I'm just some picky bitch). Ah, all the things I took for granted.  Looking back, without having pain as a restriction, my possibilities were endless! Obviously, all night partying and throwing back shots are not in the cards anymore (oh yes, we used to have lots of fun!). Since I've called it quits on my former life, I've felt as if I have been constantly disappointing others because I'm not the "Old Janie" and I used to be "more fun" (yes, people actually do say these things! and I'm sure you've heard it too... but try not to punch them immediately :) they just don't understand).

I think that it's time that we stop feeling guilty for things that we cannot control. If you have found yourself thinking the same way I have, I urge you to stop immediately (easier said than done, right).  It truly is a form of self-sabotage and will NOT help you to get better! Illness was not brought into your life because of anything you've personally done, and you do not choose to be sick. I know that we all would do just about anything if it would lead to a cure (really, I'd literally drink camel piss if someone told me it would lead to no more pain). If someone in your life can't deal with your illness, then they are not worthy of being in your life to begin with! People will come and go when times get difficult. Most won't understand until they find themselves facing a difficult situation.  However, your true friends and loved ones will be by your side until you get better (which you will!). It is important for you to just allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling while you are healing.  The last thing you need to do is stress about who you are disappointing by being sick!

I found an awesome post on a blog today written by another IC patient (Montreal Healthy Girl- I am currently stalking you) who has healed herself naturally. The following quote from her post about her experience at Hippocrates Health Institute really struck a chord:

 The greatest thing I realized from my HHI experience is that perfect health is not something that you ever truly achieve. It is a constant learning curve and requires regular maintenance. Dr. Brian Clement, one of the HHI directors, said something so touching I will never forget it ( bare with me, I’m paraphrasing): “Your pain and suffering is your punishment for the sins you’ve committed against your body and mind. Loving and respecting yourself is 80% of the healing battle, the other 20% is proper nutrition, exercise and lifestyle choices, which should be easy to do once you love yourself enough to take responsibility for your body. The only people who die of cancer or diseases are the ones who do not love themselves enough to fight, those who depend on someone else to dictate their health to them, family, doctors etc. You cannot live for someone else, not your spouse or parents or even children and no one can ever predict how long you will live but nature and you. You have to want to live for yourself, forgive yourself and love yourself always." 

So today, and for each day after, allow yourself to just be.  I promise, you will feel a whole lot better about everything if you do :)

Happy Healing! x

How Your Mindset Can Help You Heal

Check out the following post from one of my favorite blogs, The Wellness Warrior, about how the mind can impact our healing.  In this post, Dr. Lissa Rankin, whose writing I have referenced earlier in this blog, discusses just how our mind can help us to heal. Very interesting stuff, folks! Enjoy :)

Mind Over Medicine: My Interview with Dr. Lissa Rankin

Traditional Chinese Medicine & IC

Okay, I gave in.  While I really enjoyed my session at the Beach Community Acupuncture Center,  Id decided that I needed more of a one-on-one session to address the specific nature of my pain through acupuncture. Today, I had my first appointment at the Pacific Center of Health , a highly recommended acupuncture and traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) clinic. Excuse my writing, as I am still in a bit of daze after my session and I'm trying to get out all the information I can before forgetting.  Many people tend to think that TCM and Eastern medical treatments are a crock of shit for hippies and loonies who dropped a little too much acid, but I beg to differ.  There is a reason that TCM has existed for thousands of years and why people in Eastern cultures tend to have many less health problems than Americans.  But, I won't get into an argument over who is right or wrong.  However, I will say that what I really enjoyed about my visit to the Pacific Center of Health  is that all of the acupuncturists strongly believe in incorporating TCM along with Western medicine practices in the healing process, and don't preach choosing one over the other.

I knew I would like this place once I saw this rad fish tank in the waiting room.

My acupuncturist Tom was incredibly kind and informative, and it helped that he was quite familiar with IC, as he and his wife had treated many patients before me with the same illness. He even let me ramble on and on about all of my symptoms, my IC experience and why I'd chosen acupuncture.  This was a nice change from doctors cutting me short as I tried my best to summarize the past year of my IC life. I also found out that Tom began practicing acupuncture after it cured him of painful, debilitating headaches from a serious head injury.  Because of his success, he wished to bring the same relief to others who were suffering.  Tom discussed what he thought was going on with me in terms of TCM, and what issues he believed were adding to my IC symptoms.

The first issue is spleen chi deficiency.  Tom says this is incredibly common in the United States. It is commonly believed in TCM that all organs have both a physical and energetic function. In TCM, the spleen relates to the flow of energy in the entire body, as well as in the entire digestive system.  Spleen chi deficiency results when there is not enough "qi" energy flowing to the spleen, which inhibits the body from generating "qi" energy from food.  Spleen chi deficiency can cause symptoms such as fatigue and weakness, disturbances in digestion, and abdominal pain. Tom began his acupuncture treatment to address my spleen chi issues.

The second issue that Tom believes I am experiencing is heart-fire.  Typical symptoms of this include insomnia, heart palpitations, restlessness and thirst.  Heart fire is common in individuals who have experienced strong suppressed emotions or high stress levels in their lives.   An individuals suppressed emotions and stress turns into "fire." Acupuncture works to clear the fire and the heat it produces in an individuals body.  Tom also began addressing this issue during today's treatment.

Not only will acupuncture help balance out my body, but acupuncture helps boost our bodies natural painkillers! This is great for me, as I am trying to ween myself off of the painkillers that have served as a crutch for the past couple of months.  Anyone who thinks taking painkillers is enjoyable- try taking them everyday for two months and see how much you love them. Over a series of session, the acupuncture treatment works to turn off pain receptors in parts of the body where one is experiencing discomfort.  Tom will also be providing me with certain herbs that will help regulate the energy in my body and my pain levels, but we won't get to that until our next session.

Overall, I'm excited to see where this treatment takes me. Today, I had needles placed in multiple acupuncture points all over my body, and also was given electro-stimulation to my lower legs.  I am mildly uncomfortable after today's session, but I was told that a slight increase in pain is common in the beginning since my body has a ton of inflammation that needs to be reduced.  After the next session or so, I should begin to feel some changes in my pain levels and over state of being (i.e. stress levels and fatigue levels).  I will keep everyone posted along the course of this treatment to see if it's a valuable tool for those coping with IC pain. While everyone's body is different, and each person's treatment course will be individualized, I do think that acupuncture is worthwhile checking out for those who are fed up with IC pain.

Healing Wisdom

The following Mind, Body, Green article popped up on my screen today, and after reading it I feel incredibly inspired about healing and making the right changes for my body.  It may be surprising what the root of one's illness is. An important question to ask yourself today: What's holding you back? Go and do what you've always put off, what you've always dreamed, and you may find yourself feeling better in more ways than one.

The #1 Health Tip Your Doctor Hasn't Prescribed

Acupuncture for IC

Last night, I had my first session of acupuncture, courtesy of the Beach Community Acupuncture Center in my town.  Because my insurance does not cover acupuncture, the costs for the service can rise all the way to $125 per session. I'm sorry, but this girl needs to keep a roof over her head and feed herself! Thankfully, Community Acupuncture only costs $20 per session with trained professionals.  Talk about amazing! I am so thankful that such generous services exist in my little community.

I fell in love with acupuncture instantly.  When I walked into the tranquil facility, I felt immediately calm and centered.  The room was a soft shade of soothing blue, and enchanting music delighted my ears;  I could have stayed there for hours (and don't think I didn't consider it).   I was seated in a comfortable reclining chair with a cozy blanket.  Jake, the soft spoken and kind acupuncturist, placed about 10 needles in different spots in my feet, legs, hand and ear.  Jake said that his goal was to both balance my body and to reduce my stress levels as well.

Stress is a huge problem for my IC, triggering some of my worst flares.  I tend to be type A, a high-strung worrier, a bit of a perfectionist who always feels the need to be on the go. While I can appear calm and laid back from the outside, my little brain is constantly churning.  While this can be great in certain situations, being "on" all the time can cause many problems.  I have some serious difficulties unwinding.  However, as Jake gently inserted the acupuncture needles, I felt at ease.  In fact, a strange, calming sensation came over me, and I actually fell asleep.  Thirty minutes later, I woke up refreshed and relaxed (let's be real, Jake woke me up- if it wasn't for him I could have stayed there allll night).  The acute IC pain I had been experiencing yesterday seemed to have calmed down, and I left the office feeling light and more carefree than I have in quite some time.  Jake suggested that I attend twice a week for one month, and then we will re-evaluate how my healing is progressing.  I was seriously sad that I had to leave this beautiful little oasis.

Though I am unsure of how great of an impact acupuncture will have on my specific IC symptoms, I AM sure that the stress relief that comes with it is incredibly beneficial. For people with IC, and with any other stressful conditions, it is definitely important to take an hour or so each evening to unwind and clear your head, whether its by getting acupuncture or a massage, attending yoga, or reading a book... whatever YOU find to be the most calming.  I am absolutely looking forward to my next session!

Starting my Journey

Hello all, I'm Janie. This site will document my personal journey as I heal my body from Interstitial Cystitis, a chronic, debilitating illness which causes one's bladder lining to longer function correctly, exposing raw nerves just waiting to be inflamed.  Sounds fun, right?! Most people have never heard of IC, and typically I get a blank stare (even from medical professionals) when I discuss my illness. My goal with this site is not to provide a cure-all technique for IC, but to maybe help others who are feeling alone while they battle this awful, piece of crap disease.

In case you were wondering what I looked like.. Hello, world!

My IC presented itself in May 2012, but I had experienced mild symptoms in the past that I never realized were indicative of IC.  Ever since, I've been living on and off with the pain of this ugly disease. Most IC patients experience flare ups, during which the illness rears its ugly head and shows just how much of a bitch it can be. While everyone's IC is different, my flares are documented by excruciating pain in my pelvis, as if someone is stabbing me with a knife and lighting a flame simultaneously, and feeling like I need to pee all the time. This is sometimes accompanied by serious cramping and burning pains, and blood with urination. Sounds great right?! Only someone who has experienced IC pain can truly understand how that actually feels.  These flares can last for minutes, hours, or days on end depending on the severity or what triggered it. Common triggers are stress, physical activity, and acidic foods and drinks (bye-bye, wine and chocolate, as well as MANY other delicious treats). But, it's not that bad all the time, I promise!

Here I am, post-IC diagnosis & two weeks out of surgery, after hiking Squaw Valley in Tahoe. Still killing it.

 This past year, I have been trying different Western medicine techniques to combat my illness.  IC is an incredibly complicated illness to cure, and many doctors do not even know how to approach treating it. Unfortunately, my patience and my wallet have both been exhausted.  For the past months, I have been taking three different medications and also have been suffering through in-office bladder instillations to numb the exposed nerves and to help ease my pain.  While these methods have helped in different ways, I  have not improved enough to say that I am 100% dedicated to continue living this way.  No one wants to take multiple medicines everyday for the rest of her life, especially at the young age of 24.  While I have been blessed with some incredible doctors and nurses, I am at a point where I'd like to try some unconventional, holistic healing tactics.

Many people have reported on how an alkalizing diet has helped them to heal, as well as other diet modifications and stress reduction techniques.  I am a strong believer that IC is not just indicative of an unhealthy bladder, but also of an unhealthy body and lifestyle.  When I got diagnosed, I was run down, stressed, and, as my mom loves to say "burning the candle at both ends." While my lifestyle has changed dramatically since my diagnosis (I no longer can go out and enjoy a carefree night of wining and dining without having severe consequences), I still have a long way to go.  Stubbornness and the inability to face what this illness truly means held me back from healing properly, but I finally decided I was ready to make the necessary changes to feel better. Healing takes incredibly dedication and patience, but I have now dedicated myself 100% to my healing journey.

I do not believe that IC has to be chronic.  I do believe that people can heal from this awful illness, and I have seen many individuals do so!  I have been healing, but it is definitely a very long process.  I want to document my journey so that I eventually can help others to find their way to a healthier, happier, pain-free lifestyle. I hope that you will follow me along my journey to good health, and that I can serve as a positive inspiration for all of those who are suffering from IC.

Happy Healing, everyone!