Self-Forgiveness in Healing

Hi everyone!

Today I'd like to address something that I believe anyone who suffers from a chronic illness deals with.... guilt. If you are anything like me, your diagnosis brings along not only physical pain, but emotional stress as well (which in turn breeds more pain - how fun!).  Having something "indefinitely" wrong with you is a huge issue to face.  Not knowing how you are going to feel from moment to moment and how it will impact others leads to a lot of pressure. I have spent hours, days, even months feeling bad about being sick.  I find myself constantly apologizing for what I can and cannot do, for not being able to live the same lifestyle that I used to. And this is bad, very very bad, friends. This type of attitude can't be good, because it just adds to the pity party (and nobody likes a pity party).

Many things have changed since my IC diagnosis.  Before being diagnosed, I was extremely social, and being in my twenties, partying and alcohol were hugely involved in my night life. I could also take a long trip without having to stop a thousand times along the way, or worry if I packed all of my pain medications.  I could order at a restaurant without being 'that girl' (I literally always want to tell waiters my life story so they don't think I'm just some picky bitch). Ah, all the things I took for granted.  Looking back, without having pain as a restriction, my possibilities were endless! Obviously, all night partying and throwing back shots are not in the cards anymore (oh yes, we used to have lots of fun!). Since I've called it quits on my former life, I've felt as if I have been constantly disappointing others because I'm not the "Old Janie" and I used to be "more fun" (yes, people actually do say these things! and I'm sure you've heard it too... but try not to punch them immediately :) they just don't understand).

I think that it's time that we stop feeling guilty for things that we cannot control. If you have found yourself thinking the same way I have, I urge you to stop immediately (easier said than done, right).  It truly is a form of self-sabotage and will NOT help you to get better! Illness was not brought into your life because of anything you've personally done, and you do not choose to be sick. I know that we all would do just about anything if it would lead to a cure (really, I'd literally drink camel piss if someone told me it would lead to no more pain). If someone in your life can't deal with your illness, then they are not worthy of being in your life to begin with! People will come and go when times get difficult. Most won't understand until they find themselves facing a difficult situation.  However, your true friends and loved ones will be by your side until you get better (which you will!). It is important for you to just allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling while you are healing.  The last thing you need to do is stress about who you are disappointing by being sick!

I found an awesome post on a blog today written by another IC patient (Montreal Healthy Girl- I am currently stalking you) who has healed herself naturally. The following quote from her post about her experience at Hippocrates Health Institute really struck a chord:

 The greatest thing I realized from my HHI experience is that perfect health is not something that you ever truly achieve. It is a constant learning curve and requires regular maintenance. Dr. Brian Clement, one of the HHI directors, said something so touching I will never forget it ( bare with me, I’m paraphrasing): “Your pain and suffering is your punishment for the sins you’ve committed against your body and mind. Loving and respecting yourself is 80% of the healing battle, the other 20% is proper nutrition, exercise and lifestyle choices, which should be easy to do once you love yourself enough to take responsibility for your body. The only people who die of cancer or diseases are the ones who do not love themselves enough to fight, those who depend on someone else to dictate their health to them, family, doctors etc. You cannot live for someone else, not your spouse or parents or even children and no one can ever predict how long you will live but nature and you. You have to want to live for yourself, forgive yourself and love yourself always." 

So today, and for each day after, allow yourself to just be.  I promise, you will feel a whole lot better about everything if you do :)

Happy Healing! x